Follow The Shovel

Mueller Report: Americans Shocked To Learn They Elected Racist, Sexist, Psychopath All By Themselves

Following the release of the Mueller report which found no evidence of collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia, Americans are slowly coming to terms with the fact that voted in a bigoted, childlike, self-obsessed fucktard with absolutely no help at all.

“I really thought putting Trump into power had to be the work of someone who hated us. But no, turns out we’re actually just that fucking dumb,” Montana woman Jenny Bridges said.

“It just seemed like it had to be inflicted upon us by some enemy nation. But who are we kidding? Electing someone who has absolutely none of our interests at heart is totally American”.

Ohio man Roger Poole said he didn’t need the help of another nation to tell him that a billionaire reality TV star who’s gone bankrupt four times is the right guy to fix the US economy. “I can fuck that decision up all by myself”.

“I don’t need some guy from Russia to tell me that a 70 year-old white man who literally owns a building on Wall Street is the right man to overthrow the elitists. I can totally misjudge that on my own thanks very much”.  

Others said they weren’t surprised by the findings. “Deep down I always thought the 2016 election was really won by a crazy psychopathic tyrant. I was right”.

Like this? Donate a few bucks to The Shovel. And follow us on Email | Facebook Twitter Instagram

Become a Shovel member. Or follow us on Email | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram