News in Brief
Man Shaves 1.7 Seconds Off 2-Hour Flight By Standing Up As Soon As Plane Lands
Centrelink Caller Qualifies for Aged Pension While On Hold
Smoking e-Cigarettes Significantly Lowers Risk Of Looking Cool, Report Finds
NAPLAN Results Could Be Gooder, Government Concedes
I Went Without My Phone For A Week And, Oh Fuck This Is Such A Boring Article
Phones Work With Speakerphone Off, Wankers Told
ISIS Claims Responsibility For Tissue In Your Washing This Morning
Phrase ‘Political Correctness Gone Mad’ Insensitive To Mad People, Committee Finds
Most Typing Errors Caused By AutoCock, Research Finds
Mark Zuckerberg – Dead At 32 – Denies Facebook Has Problem With Fake News
Pete Evans Launches New Cookbook: 100 Simple Conspiracy Theories You Can Create At Home
Malcolm Turnbull’s 5 Tips For Owning Your Own Home
Short Course For Online Bigots
Anti-Vaccination Website Hit By Virus
Report Ranking Internet Speeds By Country Almost Downloaded, Turnbull Says
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Government To Fight For Australians’ Right To Say Whatever They Want Unless It’s About Anzac Day
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Trump’s July 4 Military Parade Included Life Size Replica Of His Incredible, Very Large Hands
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Government Totally Out Of Things To Talk About, Now That Tax Cuts Passed
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Revealed: What Your Choice Of Ice-Cream Flavour Says About You
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Ivanka Trump Surprised To Discover Meeting Is With North Korean Leader, Not Kim Kardashian
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Israel Folau Forced To Use Innovative New Service ‘GoFundYourself’
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American Drone Was Invaded By Iranian Airspace, US Inquiry Finds
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Boomers Awarded Most Annoying Generation. Millennials Furious They Didn’t Get Participation Trophy
An award ceremony for most annoying generation – won by Baby Boomers – has been marred by controversy, after the Millennials were not given a single participation trophy.
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May Resigns To Allow Britain To Fuck Up Brexit A Different Way
British Prime Minister Theresa May has announced that she will stand down from her role to give other people a chance to totally destroy the future of the nation.
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New Long-Term Airport Carpark Just A Short Flight Away From Terminal
A new long-term airport carpark – just 250km from the central terminal – is an easy 15-minute flight away, a spokesperson for the new facility said.
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5 Tips For Avoiding African Gangs In Melbourne
So you’re visiting Melbourne? We hope you brought security. With African gangs running unchecked across the streets of Australia’s second-largest city, most visitors don’t make it beyond the Tullamarine...
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Mt Everest Promises To Install Second ATM
Mt Everest authorities have responded to the frustrations of climbers queuing for cash, saying they will install a second ATM on the mountain before the end of this month.
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