News in Brief
Mark Zuckerberg – Dead At 32 – Denies Facebook Has Problem With Fake News
Man Shaves 1.7 Seconds Off 2-Hour Flight By Standing Up As Soon As Plane Lands
Centrelink Caller Qualifies for Aged Pension While On Hold
Smoking e-Cigarettes Significantly Lowers Risk Of Looking Cool, Report Finds
NAPLAN Results Could Be Gooder, Government Concedes
I Went Without My Phone For A Week And, Oh Fuck This Is Such A Boring Article
Phones Work With Speakerphone Off, Wankers Told
Phrase ‘Political Correctness Gone Mad’ Insensitive To Mad People, Committee Finds
Most Typing Errors Caused By AutoCock, Research Finds
Pete Evans Launches New Cookbook: 100 Simple Conspiracy Theories You Can Create At Home
Malcolm Turnbull’s 5 Tips For Owning Your Own Home
Short Course For Online Bigots
Anti-Vaccination Website Hit By Virus
Report Ranking Internet Speeds By Country Almost Downloaded, Turnbull Says
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Morrison Responds Decisively To Sydney Floods By Announcing Funding For Ark
Scott Morrison says the best way to cope with the floods causing havoc across New South Wales is with a 300 cubit-long wooden ark.
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Hotel Room Only Has 48 Lamps
A room at a local hotel chain has fewer than 50 lamps, a man was surprised to discover this week.
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Wanker Announces Plans To Reverse Into Shopping Centre Parking Space
A man at a local shopping centre car park has let it be known that he will be spending the next seven to eight minutes manoeuvring into a parking...
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Donald Trump To Spend Romantic Valentine’s Dinner With The Love Of His Life
US President Donald Trump says he’ll be spending this Valentine’s Day with the most talented, gifted, amazing person he knows, in an intimate solo dinner at the White House.
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Most Coronavirus Cases Caused By Arson, The Australian Claims
At least two thirds of all instances of the deadly coronavirus have been deliberately started by arsonists, the country’s national newspaper says.
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