News in Brief
Man Shaves 1.7 Seconds Off 2-Hour Flight By Standing Up As Soon As Plane Lands
Centrelink Caller Qualifies for Aged Pension While On Hold
Smoking e-Cigarettes Significantly Lowers Risk Of Looking Cool, Report Finds
NAPLAN Results Could Be Gooder, Government Concedes
I Went Without My Phone For A Week And, Oh Fuck This Is Such A Boring Article
Phones Work With Speakerphone Off, Wankers Told
ISIS Claims Responsibility For Tissue In Your Washing This Morning
Phrase ‘Political Correctness Gone Mad’ Insensitive To Mad People, Committee Finds
Most Typing Errors Caused By AutoCock, Research Finds
Mark Zuckerberg – Dead At 32 – Denies Facebook Has Problem With Fake News
Pete Evans Launches New Cookbook: 100 Simple Conspiracy Theories You Can Create At Home
Malcolm Turnbull’s 5 Tips For Owning Your Own Home
Short Course For Online Bigots
Anti-Vaccination Website Hit By Virus
Report Ranking Internet Speeds By Country Almost Downloaded, Turnbull Says
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Australians To Continue To Pronounce ‘Brian Taylor’ As ‘Dickhead’
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New High Speed Rail Will Run Between Sydney & Melbourne Once Every Election Year
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Calls To Increase Skills Funding, After Woman Fails To Hit PM With Egg From 10cm
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Pauline Hanson Withdraws Support For Monarchy After Learning Meghan Markle Is In Labor
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Climate Change: Avoiding Wipe Out Of Humanity Not Within Budget Guidelines, Coalition Says
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Bob Hawke Begins Arduous Task Of Deregulating Heaven’s Economy
Saying no-one else was going to make the tough choices required to bring Heaven into the 21st Century, Bob Hawke has immediately announced plans to deregulate the afterlife’s economy,...
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Greens Voter Exhausted From Constantly Being Right
A Greens voter from Newtown says being right about absolutely everything takes its toll, but he doesn’t see a break coming any time soon.
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Woman Mistakenly Thinks Friends Give Shit About Her Holiday
In what has been described as a gross misunderstanding, a Brisbane women somehow assumed her friends were interested in seeing 141 photos of her sipping a drink on a...
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5 Tips For Avoiding African Gangs In Melbourne
So you’re visiting Melbourne? We hope you brought security. With African gangs running unchecked across the streets of Australia’s second-largest city, most visitors don’t make it beyond the Tullamarine...
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Apple Unveils Plans To Revitalise Notre Dame Precinct With New Flagship Store
Saying it would become an iconic new destination the likes of which have never been seen in France, Apple has announced it will build a new global flagship store...
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