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Stuffing Our Fat Faces With Chocolate Is What Jesus Would Have Wanted, Nation Agrees

Frantically ripping off silver foil and cramming a kilo of chocolate into our grubby little mouths is the best way to remember Jesus, everyone has agreed.

As the world prepared to solemnly commemorate the Messiah’s death, people chattered quietly, passing on condolences and agreeing that putting away a 750g Smartie-filled egg and then backing it up with a 16 inch chocolate Easter bunny was as good a way as any to celebrate the great man’s life.

“It’s in keeping with his wishes. He was known to polish off a few Cadbury Cream Eggs when he got the urge. It’s what he would’ve wanted,” one man said, struggling not to choke on a Humpty Dumpty novelty egg.

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