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2GB Listeners To Be Forcibly Removed From Alan Jones

Thousands of at-risk 2GB listeners will be placed in care to protect them from their out-of-control father figure Alan Jones.

“It’s for their own protection,” a spokesperson for the Department of Social Services said this morning. “It would be irresponsible of us to let them stay in that kind of environment, to be brought up in those circumstances”.

She described Jones as ‘bat-shit crazy’. “Every day he shouts at them. He’s drunk on his own self-importance. Those listeners, for their own benefit, should be taken away”.

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