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Nation’s Women Demand Hotter Criminals

Australia’s female population has asked local lawbreakers to pay more attention to their appearance, after it was revealed America’s criminals are considerably hotter.

“When I’m being robbed or held at knife point, it’s disappointing to have to contend with scruffy, oily hair or an ill-defined jaw,” Perth woman Lisa Farougio said today, asking criminals to ‘have some self respect’.

Brisbane office worker Georgie Crowther agreed, challenging offenders to ‘cut the flab’. “Tone up, hit the gym, overcome your fear of moisturiser. It’s 2014 guys,” she said, emphasising this season’s trend for straighter, cleaner lines. “It’s frustrating to see Australia lagging way behind America on this, as usual”.

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