Business
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Struggling, Despondent Federal Budget To Receive Counselling From Nation’s $250 Million School Chaplaincy Program
Overwhelmed with incoming bills, and wondering how it will continue to support its extended family, Australia’s stressed-out budget today made an appointment for a cup...
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Self Checkout Machine Can Do Work Of 6 Totally Useless Humans: Study
Self checkout machines, now popular in supermarkets and stores throughout the country, have the same output as six utterly incompetent humans, a study has revealed.
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90% Of IKEA Customers Funnelled Offshore
Only one in ten customers who entered an IKEA store in the 2013/14 financial year remained in Australia, with the rest channelled to Luxembourg, it...
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Microsoft Word Spellcheck Not About To Just Let You Change From U.S. Spelling
The Microsoft Word Language Function admitted today that, while it knows you changed the language from US English to Australian English, it just prefers to...
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Great Barrier Reef To Be Moved To Tasmania
Australia’s Great Barrier Reef will be broken down into small pieces and re-assembled off the east coast of Tasmania, in a bid to minimise the...
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Facebook Announces New ‘Boring’ Tag For Boring News Feed Items
Facebook will begin the introduction of a ‘boring’ tag to help users distinguish between items on their newsfeeds that are genuinely interesting and those that...
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80% Of All Objects To Be In ‘Keep Calm’ Style Within 3 Years: Report
Four-fifths of all manufactured goods will use ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ style messaging by the year 2017, it has been revealed.
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Manager Selflessly Offers To Help Clean Up Giant, Stinking Mess He Created
Saying it was important to pitch in and work together, Operations Manager Andrew Jenkins offered to help staff clean up a massive, steaming shit he...
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Google+ Still Going, Researchers Claim
A small community of Google+ users has been discovered in northern California, years after they were assumed to have died out.
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‘Strategic’ And ‘Innovative’ To Be Part Of All Mission Statements By 2020
A leading marketing body has called for all company mission statements to include the words ‘strategic’, ‘innovative’ and ‘solutions’ within six years.
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Qantas To Charge Extra For Smiles
Under increasing pressure to halt declining revenues, Australia’s national carrier Qantas today announced the introduction of an optional ‘smile surcharge’ on all international flights.
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Woman’s Phone Call Is Important To Large, Soulless Organisation
A large multinational utility provider that outsourced its call centre facilities last year, values Mary Roberta from Prospect’s phone call. The news was delivered to...
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New ‘Tech Bra’ Only Unhooks When Man Has Taken Bins Out
In a long-awaited fusion between hot-blooded hormones and cold, hard practicality, a new bra designed by Australian scientists will only unlock after the potential suitor...
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US Private Equity Firm Buys Last Remaining Piece Of 1997
US firm Platinum Equity this morning bought Australia’s ‘Yellow and White Pages’ for a reported $454 million. It is believed to be a new record...
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Rupert Murdoch Divorce Settlement: Wendi To Get Kids, Australia
Rupert Murdoch’s recently estranged third wife Wendi Deng will take over control of the couple’s children and Australia as early as next week, after the...
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