News in Brief
Centrelink Caller Qualifies for Aged Pension While On Hold
NAPLAN Results Could Be Gooder, Government Concedes
Phones Work With Speakerphone Off, Wankers Told
ISIS Claims Responsibility For Tissue In Your Washing This Morning
Phrase ‘Political Correctness Gone Mad’ Insensitive To Mad People, Committee Finds
Most Typing Errors Caused By AutoCock, Research Finds
Mark Zuckerberg – Dead At 32 – Denies Facebook Has Problem With Fake News
Pete Evans Launches New Cookbook: 100 Simple Conspiracy Theories You Can Create At Home
Malcolm Turnbull’s 5 Tips For Owning Your Own Home
Short Course For Online Bigots
Anti-Vaccination Website Hit By Virus
Report Ranking Internet Speeds By Country Almost Downloaded, Turnbull Says
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‘White Flight’ Actually Technical Term For QF43 To Bali, Experts Confirm
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Mum’s Spag Bol Drops Out Randomly Without Notice, Telstra Confirms
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Sydney Trains Apologises For ‘Truly Inexcusable Mistake’ After Train Leaves On Time
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Here’s The Official Apology From The ABC Regarding Their Description Of Tony Abbott
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North Korean Man Flees South To Escape Brutal, Sadistic Regime
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Pauline Hanson Withdraws Support For Monarchy After Learning Kate Middleton Is In Labor
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Kelly O’Dwyer Refuses To Tell Barista What Coffee She’ll Have This Morning
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Melania Hospitalised For Kidney Problems – Donald Offers To Sell Her His
Donald Trump says he is willing to give his sick wife his kidney, “at a fair price”.
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Robots That Built IKEA Chair Now Divorced
Citing ‘irreparable differences’, a pair of Singaporean robots who famously built an IKEA chair last week, has divorced, after the couple attempted to assemble a Liatorp Shelving Unit with...
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Frustrating! Women STILL Don’t Understand What Mansplaining Means
Exasperated men around the country have been at pains to point out that many women simply don’t understand what mansplaining is, despite widespread media coverage of the word.
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“She Quit Her Job, Now This #GirlBoss Makes $23 a Fortnight”
“If you can’t eat it, don’t wear it”. That’s the motto of plucky local woman Joyce Chambers, who gave up her high paying job as an actualisation consultant to...
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Commonwealth Bank Opens New Cemetery Branch, To Be Closer To Its Customer Base
Saying it was part of its ‘customer-first strategy’ Commonwealth Bank has announced the opening of a new branch in Melbourne General Cemetery – one of the organisation’s fastest growing...
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