News in Brief
Mark Zuckerberg – Dead At 32 – Denies Facebook Has Problem With Fake News
Man Shaves 1.7 Seconds Off 2-Hour Flight By Standing Up As Soon As Plane Lands
Centrelink Caller Qualifies for Aged Pension While On Hold
Smoking e-Cigarettes Significantly Lowers Risk Of Looking Cool, Report Finds
NAPLAN Results Could Be Gooder, Government Concedes
I Went Without My Phone For A Week And, Oh Fuck This Is Such A Boring Article
Phones Work With Speakerphone Off, Wankers Told
Phrase ‘Political Correctness Gone Mad’ Insensitive To Mad People, Committee Finds
Most Typing Errors Caused By AutoCock, Research Finds
Pete Evans Launches New Cookbook: 100 Simple Conspiracy Theories You Can Create At Home
Malcolm Turnbull’s 5 Tips For Owning Your Own Home
Short Course For Online Bigots
Anti-Vaccination Website Hit By Virus
Report Ranking Internet Speeds By Country Almost Downloaded, Turnbull Says
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Bridget McKenzie Announces New 100,000 Seat Stadium For Launceston
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Wanker Announces Plans To Reverse Into Shopping Centre Parking Space
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Prince Harry Returns To Royal Family, After Trial At Starbucks Doesn’t Work Out
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Prince Harry Has Set Up A Freelance Ribbon-Cutting Business On Airtasker
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Parliament Approves Urgent Leave For Politicians Who’ve Had Their Holidays Cut Short
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Morrison Auctions Off Hawaiian Deck Chair For Bushfire Appeal
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Clear Link Between Craig Kelly And Total Fucking Stupidity, Scientists Claim
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Morrison Launches New Ad Campaign To Apologise For Previous Ad Campaign
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Queen Announces She Is Also Leaving Royal Family
The Queen says she’s done, and will leave the Royal Family by the end of the week.
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Wanker Announces Plans To Reverse Into Shopping Centre Parking Space
A man at a local shopping centre car park has let it be known that he will be spending the next seven to eight minutes manoeuvring into a parking...
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Man Complaining About Hot Cross Buns In January Yet To Realise He Doesn’t Have To Buy Them
A Melbourne man who has spent most of 2019 complaining about how hot cross buns are already on supermarket shelves, is yet to realise he has total control over...
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Under 9’s Fast Bowler Shortens Run-Up To Just 140 Metres
Eight year-old express bowler Jai Matthews has confirmed his next delivery will be off a short run of just 140 metres.
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