News in Brief
Mark Zuckerberg – Dead At 32 – Denies Facebook Has Problem With Fake News
Man Shaves 1.7 Seconds Off 2-Hour Flight By Standing Up As Soon As Plane Lands
Centrelink Caller Qualifies for Aged Pension While On Hold
Smoking e-Cigarettes Significantly Lowers Risk Of Looking Cool, Report Finds
NAPLAN Results Could Be Gooder, Government Concedes
I Went Without My Phone For A Week And, Oh Fuck This Is Such A Boring Article
Phones Work With Speakerphone Off, Wankers Told
Phrase ‘Political Correctness Gone Mad’ Insensitive To Mad People, Committee Finds
Most Typing Errors Caused By AutoCock, Research Finds
Pete Evans Launches New Cookbook: 100 Simple Conspiracy Theories You Can Create At Home
Malcolm Turnbull’s 5 Tips For Owning Your Own Home
Short Course For Online Bigots
Anti-Vaccination Website Hit By Virus
Report Ranking Internet Speeds By Country Almost Downloaded, Turnbull Says
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Richard Di Natale Resigns To Take Up Full-Time Role In Wiggles
Former Greens’ leader Richard Di Natale will become the fifth Wiggle, it has been confirmed.
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Australia Asks Other Nations To Send Backup Politicians, To Help Deal With Bushfire Crisis
A contingent of emergency politicians from Canada, New Zealand and elsewhere will fly to Australia next week to help fill the enormous void of leadership in dealing with the...
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Wanker Announces Plans To Reverse Into Shopping Centre Parking Space
A man at a local shopping centre car park has let it be known that he will be spending the next seven to eight minutes manoeuvring into a parking...
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Donald Trump To Spend Romantic Valentine’s Dinner With The Love Of His Life
US President Donald Trump says he’ll be spending this Valentine’s Day with the most talented, gifted, amazing person he knows, in an intimate solo dinner at the White House.
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Under 9’s Fast Bowler Shortens Run-Up To Just 140 Metres
Eight year-old express bowler Jai Matthews has confirmed his next delivery will be off a short run of just 140 metres.
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