News in Brief
Operation Sovereign Borders Now Just A Giant Photo Of Scott Morrison
Nation’s Women Demand Hotter Criminals
Iraq Conflict: US Looking Forward To Finishing Job They Finished 11 Years Ago
Whoops! Reality TV Contestant Goes To Air Without A Backstory
More Hashtags Sent To Look For Missing Nigerian Schoolgirls
Man Who Just Wants One Minute Of Your Time Also Wants Your Credit Card Details, Email Address And A 12 Month Financial Commitment
Every Child In Classroom Is Most Talented, Teacher Discovers
Bob Carr Just Grateful To Have Been Able To Work With Bob Carr
Woman Uncertain Whether To Instagram Bowl Of Pasta Before Or After Adding Parmesan
Middle Class Dog Weighed Down By Family’s Growing Expectations
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Gwyneth Paltrow’s New Diet Involves Eating Nothing But Your Own Bullshit
Oscar winning actress Gywneth Paltrow has released a strict new diet that consists exclusively of lemon juice and your own self-important drivel. It follows Paltrow’s advice early this month...
Abbott Commits To Cutting Australia’s Reputation By 30% By 2015
Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott has set an ambitious target to reduce the nation’s standing in the international community by almost a third over the next seven months.
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Australia, Canada To Withdraw From Climate Change
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Abbott Commits To Cutting Australia’s Reputation By 30% By 2015
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University Fees To Rise To $100k, Or 28,000 ‘Middies’
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Nation Surprised To Discover Opposition Leader
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Poor People Scrapped
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Bob Carr Just Grateful To Have Been Able To Work With Bob Carr
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Australia To Adopt Slightly Different Version Of New Zealand’s New Flag
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Gina Rinehart Reassures Joe Hockey: “I Inherited A $47 Billion Hole Too, And Everything Turned Out Ok”
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Clive Palmer Announces Plans To Build A Parallel Universe Where People Take Him Seriously
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Malcolm Turnbull Launches New Logo For Coalition’s Broadband Policy
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80% Of All Objects To Be In ‘Keep Calm’ Style Within 3 Years: Report
Four-fifths of all manufactured goods will use ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ style messaging by the year 2017, it has been revealed.
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Children Threat Under Control, Says Israel
Scores of Palestinian children will no longer pose a threat to the security of Israel, intelligence personnel have confirmed.
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Qatar Wins World Cup
Qatar has won the 2014 football World Cup in Brazil, in a surprise result that saw the tiny Middle Eastern nation see off firm favourites Germany and Argentina.
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