Passengers on Virgin flights from today will be told to familiarise themselves with their nearest Grant Hackett, remembering it may be behind them.
“In the event of a Grant Hackett, you will need to know the brace position instantly,” the new safety demonstration will say.
“During the flight please ensure your tray table is up, your luggage is stowed under the seat in front of you, and you seat back is upright. Like, totally fucking upright mate. More. Further up arsehole. I said put it up! Do you know who the fuck I am?”