“From Now On You’ll Do As I Say” Abbott Tells Putin, In Hard-Hitting Imaginary Conversation

abbott owns putin

Getting right up close in his face and whispering “things are going to be on my terms now, sunshine”, Tony Abbott totally owned Russian President Vladimir Putin during a rigorous thirty minute daydream on the way to the APEC conference in Beijing.

At one point, the Australian Prime Minister casually rocked back on his chair, put his feet up on the table, and demanded Mr Putin polish his shoes. The Russian President obliged.

“I’m the strong man now,” Mr Abbott said, while lighting a cigar and gently flexing his pectorals.

Towards the end of the meeting, Mr Abbott challenged his Russian counterpart to an arm wrestle, which Abbott won easily.

A staffer who heard about the daydream said Mr Abbott was in scintillating form. “It was totally humiliating for Putin – he couldn’t get out of there fast enough. But Tony made the meeting drag on and on, to really make his point. He was in total control. It was a flawless, statesman-like performance”.

Mr Abbott will meet with Mr Putin for a brief conversation in Beijing this weekend.

For more breaking stories, follow The Shovel on Facebook and Twitter

7 Comments

  1. Tony

    November 9, 2014 at 7:06 pm

    That’s just awesome.

    Greg Sheridan, from The Australian, says that makes Tony Abbott the best PM in Australia’s history. And that he wishes he was in Tony’s daydream. With Rupert. And a spa.

    • LJ

      November 9, 2014 at 9:01 pm

      Tony, that is just too horrible to contemplate. Argh!

      • Brian Harry

        November 10, 2014 at 6:10 am

        It would be worse if you were in the spa with “pissy Chrissy Pyne”………or “fart’n Joe Hockey”

  2. Tom

    November 10, 2014 at 4:28 pm

    The stuff that dreams are made of or is it to dream the impossible drean. Poor Tony ha ha

  3. Maybe Satire

    November 11, 2014 at 5:33 pm

    Just wondering whether this was before or after he single-handedly disproved the concept of climate change, undid Labor’s budget mess by cleverly introducing a paid maternity scheme for high earners, convinced all Hazaras to return to the safety of Afghanistan and used his x-ray vision to locate MH370 in the Indian Ocean?

    So many dreams and some people deny that he is visionary! How can people be so deluded?

  4. jim

    November 20, 2014 at 3:42 am

    great site for real news to tackle rabbit and co.lol

  5. Pete

    November 20, 2014 at 11:58 pm

    Abbot is a clown the only true world leader at the moment is Puttin . Abbott is just an Australian puppet for the American government , I’m Australian and it’s really sad to see that we’ve become puppets for the American regime of total domination