June 4, 2019

Mt Everest Promises To Install Second ATM

Mt Everest authorities have responded to the frustrations of climbers queuing for cash, saying they will install a second ATM

February 24, 2019

Woman Mistakenly Thinks Friends Give Shit About Her Holiday

In what has been described as a gross misunderstanding, a Brisbane women somehow assumed her friends were interested in seeing

January 14, 2019

Scott Morrison Finally Responds To Murray-Darling Crisis By Moving Israeli Embassy To Jerusalem

After more than a week of silence on the issue, Prime Minister Scott Morrison today responded to the Murray-Darling Basin

October 16, 2018

“We Broke Royal Baby News Six Months Ago” Woman’s Day Reminds Readers

A frustrated editor of tabloid magazine Woman’s Day has reminded readers that her journalists first broke the story of Harry

September 5, 2018

AFL Boss Reveals Grand Final Half Time Entertainment

AFL chief Gillon McLachlan has once again shown his common touch, revealing a four-a-side polo comp as the centrepiece of

August 23, 2018

Wet Cardboard Box Announces It Will Run As Third, More Charismatic Consensus Candidate

A soggy old box in an alleyway near Parliament House has come forward as a viable alternative to Peter Dutton,

April 25, 2018

Royal Carriage Fitted With Third Child Seat

Prince William was this morning trying to get the child seat strap to reach the bloody anchor bolt in his

April 5, 2018

Gold Coast Insecurity Threat Level “Critical” As Actual Athletes Arrive

Gold Coast residents have been warned to stay indoors and avoid social media this week as 4460 actual athletes descend

June 10, 2017

Masked British Election Candidate Actually Kevin Rudd, Sources Say

Kevin Rudd has attempted to enter UK politics disguised as Lord Buckethead, it has been revealed

May 16, 2017

Migrants Failing To Assimilate, 200-Year-Study Finds

"They're unable to assimilate with local values and refuse to speak anything but their native tongue"

September 13, 2016

Women, Black People To Be Barred From Plebiscite, In Order To Preserve ‘Traditional’ Definition Of Voting

Only white men over the age of 21 will be eligible to vote in the upcoming same-sex marriage plebiscite, in

June 25, 2016

Britain’s ‘Leave’ Voters Cleverly Deter Migrants By Destroying Economy

Migration laws will no longer need to change under an independent Britain, because no-one will want to go there to

June 2, 2016

Authorities Shoot & Kill Lego Character After Boy Falls Into Enclosure

A rare 4-foot tall Lego character has been shot and killed at an exhibition in China after a small boy

May 3, 2016

Scott Morrison Looking Forward To Reading Budget Tonight For First Time

Saying he had no idea what to expect, Treasurer Scott Morrison was eagerly awaiting 7:30pm tonight when he’ll see what

April 4, 2016

Abbott Confirms He’ll Directly Confront Putin About Money Laundering Allegations

The tricky question of who will confront Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin about an alleged $2 billion tax-avoidance scheme has