October 28, 2021

Government shows commitment to reducing waste by developing environmental policy on back of envelope

"The Coalition is very committed to doing the absolute least required"

October 25, 2021

Coalition announces bold new plan to do absolutely fucking nothing

"This is an ambitious target, and we intend to meet it"

October 18, 2021

‘Nationals Have Only Had 8 Years To Make Last-Minute Decision On Climate Change’, Barnaby Says

“I’ve literally only been in politics for sixteen years mate"

September 7, 2021

“My Family Is More Important Than Your Family,” Morrison Says In Emotional Address To Nation

“I’m special and you’re inconsequential,” Mr Morrison said, his voice cracking with emotion

July 1, 2021

Sydney Man Missing

"He hasn't turned up for work all week"

June 23, 2021

Great Barrier Reef ‘Not White Enough’ Pauline Hanson Says

"The experimentation with colour hasn’t worked"

May 25, 2021

Morrison Secures 100,000 Additional Photo Opps To Help With Victorian Outbreak

"What Victorians need right now is an Instagram post of me in a fighter jet"

May 21, 2021

Peter Dutton To Take Stress Leave After Seeing Rainbow

Defence Minister Peter Dutton will take extended leave from work to recover from a ‘significant trauma’ after he spotted a

May 11, 2021

Frydenberg Starts Budget Speech With Reminder That All Figures Are Correct To Closest $60 Billion

"With a small rounding error here and there, these figures are absolutely accurate"

March 23, 2021

Morrison Sits Down With Wife To Determine Whether Masturbating On Female MP’s Desk Is Appropriate Or Not

"Jenny always has a way of clarifying things”

October 12, 2020

Everyone In Contact With Berejiklian Over Past 5 Years To Distance Themselves Immediately

In keeping with NSW’s ‘gold standard’ contact tracing system, anyone who has had contact with Gladys Berejiklian over the past 5 years will now distance themselves immediately

September 3, 2020

‘We told you Labor would wreck the economy’, Frydenberg says, announcing Australia officially in recession

"We told you a vote for Labor was a vote for recession, debt and unemployment - and look where we are now".

July 22, 2020

Dan Andrews Is Responsible For The Covid-19 Virus Which Doesn’t Exist, Andrew Bolt Says

Victorian Premier Dan Andrews is responsible for the disastrous outbreak of the coronavirus which is nothing more than a mild

March 23, 2020

‘Why The Fuck Aren’t You Social Distancing?’ Says Man Who Boasted About Going To The Footy Last Weekend

The spread of coronavirus is your fault, a man who only ten days ago said he was going to sit

March 23, 2020

Scott Morrison Defined As Non-Essential Service 

Scott Morrison is not critical to the nation’s response to COVID-19, it has been confirmed