December 20, 2021

Increasing number of children don’t even realise Christmas is Santa’s birthday

"In my day we celebrated the story of Santa's birth"

March 23, 2021

Morrison Sits Down With Wife To Determine Whether Masturbating On Female MP’s Desk Is Appropriate Or Not

"Jenny always has a way of clarifying things”

September 3, 2020

‘We told you Labor would wreck the economy’, Frydenberg says, announcing Australia officially in recession

"We told you a vote for Labor was a vote for recession, debt and unemployment - and look where we are now".

August 6, 2020

“Customers won’t notice any difference”: Tiger Airways announces it will no longer fly

“We’ve made the difficult decision to continue the service levels that you have become accustomed to"

August 3, 2020

For those of you in Melbourne who need cheering up, just remember that Sam Newman can’t play golf for the next 42 days

Things in Melbourne are pretty tough right now. But mental health experts say one simple way to improve your mood

April 8, 2020

Pell Back In Prison After Being Caught Eating A Kebab In A Park

George Pell is back behind bars tonight after being busted eating a late-night snack in public

March 31, 2020

When Is It Ok To Leave My House? Australia’s Coronavirus Restrictions Explained

Australians have been told not to leave their house unless it’s absolutely necessary. So what is a permissible reason to

March 31, 2020

Frydenberg Announces Deficit Will Be Funded By Selling 3.7 Billion ‘Back In Black’ Mugs

“This is a sensible, economically responsible, costed plan"

February 2, 2020

Bridget McKenzie Has Moved To The Coalition Backbenches, Which Incidentally Have Been Beautifully Upgraded Thanks To A Generous Government Grant

Bridget McKenzie has resigned from her ministerial role, and will take up a position on the Coalition backbenches – tastefully

January 7, 2020

Clear Link Between Craig Kelly And Total Fucking Stupidity, Scientists Claim

"It’s been tested and peer-reviewed"

October 28, 2019

7 Phrases Scott Morrison Learnt From His Empathy Consultant To Make Him Sound Like A Human Being

This week it was revealed that the Morrison government paid $190,000 to receive advice from empathy consultants. The Shovel can

June 23, 2019

American Drone Was Invaded By Iranian Airspace, US Inquiry Finds

Iranian airspace aggressively invaded the flightpath of a US drone, causing the drone to drift into enemy territory, a US

June 22, 2019

Israel Folau Follows In Jesus’ Footsteps By Bankrolling Legal Defense With GoFundMe Page

Quoting the part of Luke’s gospel where Jesus crowdfunded his legal costs to fight the Romans, former Wallabies player Israel

May 7, 2019

Calls To Increase Skills Funding, After Woman Fails To Hit PM With Egg From 10cm

In yet another sign of the growing skills gap in Australia, an Albury women has failed to hit Scott Morrison

February 19, 2019

Finance Minister Had ‘No Idea’ People Had To Pay For Their Own Holidays

Finance Minister Mathias Cormann said he was not previously aware of the Australian tradition of people paying for their own