December 15, 2021

Children tell Santa they’ve been a ‘marginal Liberal electorate’ this year, in hope of getting more presents

"Dear Santa, I've been a good little Liberal electorate on a margin of less than 5%"

September 9, 2021

Forgetting to buy vaccines in a pandemic, and 6 other silly little mistakes we’ve all made before

"We've all done it!"

August 30, 2021

Labor Holds Emergency Meeting To Discuss How To Fuck Up Lead In Poll

“There's no need for panic. We’ve fucked this up from here before, and we’ll fuck it up again".

June 24, 2021

‘Whoops! I Forgot To Buy Enough Vaccines’, By Greg Hunt

"The truth is, I did intend to buy more. But then I saw this great offer for a cheaper vaccine, and I thought, well if you’re going to scrimp on something, this is the thing to do it on"

June 21, 2021

Barnaby Joyce Asks For Privacy, As He Announces Plan To Return To National Party Leadership

"It's time for me to step back from the spotlight and spend more time on television".

June 15, 2021

Statement Regarding Senator James Paterson’s Connection With The Shovel

"We felt it was time to come clean"

June 3, 2021

New Covid Payment To Provide $500 For Those Working 20 Hours A Week, Or $22 Million For Those Who Own A Chain Of Furniture, Bedding And Electrical Stores

"It will only apply to people with less than $10,000 or more $1.5 billion in liquid assets"

May 6, 2021

“Now Is Not The Time To Talk About Building A Quarantine Facility”

"Today is a day to talk about a potential war with China”

March 23, 2021

Morrison Responds Decisively To Sydney Floods By Announcing Funding For Ark

“I’ve spoken to a lot of experts and it’s hard to go past Genesis chapter six, verses 14-22”

February 17, 2021

Scott Morrison Agrees To Properly Fund Education After Jen Tells Him His Daughters Go To School

"I had no idea"

October 22, 2020

Morrison offers Albo $100 to stop asking questions about Federal Integrity Commission

Discreetly slipping an envelope across the question time despatch box, Scott Morrison today told Opposition leader Anthony Albanese that he’d make it ‘worth his while’ if he stopped asking questions about why a federal anti corruption commission hadn’t been set up yet

May 14, 2019

Greens Voter Exhausted From Constantly Being Right

A Greens voter from Newtown says being right about absolutely everything takes its toll, but he doesn’t see a break

April 8, 2019

Morrison Delays Calling Election, To Give His Team Another Chance To Fuck It Up

Without a single scandal since Tuesday’s federal budget, Prime Minister Scott Morrison says he needs to give his government more

February 13, 2018

Turnbull Distances Himself From Joyce: “Technically He’s Not My Partner”

Malcolm Turnbull today confirmed that he and Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce are definitely not partners, despite the fact they

May 29, 2016

Greens New ‘Cleaner Energy’ Plan To Harness Energy Of Household Cleaners & Nannies

Greens leader Richard Di Natale today unveiled his party’s Cleaner Energy plan, a $35m incentive scheme to encourage household cleaners and