World
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Matthew Flinders Dies After Waiting Two Hundred Years For A Fucking Train
Explorer Matthew Finders has passed away after waiting two centuries for a train at Euston Station in London.
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US Government Shutdown Enters 104th Week
The US has entered its 724th day without a functioning government, with no end in sight to the growing crisis.
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Donald Trump Calls George HW Bush’s Family, To Say How Lucky America Is To Have Donald Trump As President
Donald Trump has made a personal call to those closest to the late George HW Bush, saying he was without doubt the best president this...
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Trump Pardons Turkey (And Saudi Arabia and North Korea) At Traditional Thanksgiving Ceremony
US President Trump has used a traditional Thanksgiving White House event to pardon Turkey, as well as a range of other authoritarian states.
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Trump’s Top Landscaping Tips To Prevent Forest Fires
In this exclusive feature, the people’s president lets us in on his favourite landscaping techniques to keep your garden free from apocalyptic climate disasters. Cut...
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New Compromise Brexit Deal Lets Britain Retain Right To Constantly Complain About It
British PM Theresa May has brokered a new deal with Europe that would see Britain leave the EU completely, but retain the right to incessantly...
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Putin Admits He Forgot To Vote In Midterms
A sheepish Vladimir Putin has confessed he totally forgot to vote in yesterday’s US midterms, despite a concerted push in America to get more people...
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Pipe Bombs Made From US Steel, Trump Reassures Americans
Donald Trump has told a rally that while he doesn’t condone the home-made pipe bombs that were sent to Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, it...
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Baby Makes Historic Appearance At UN General Assembly
In what is a first for the United Nations, a baby has made an appearance at a General Assembly meeting in New York.
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