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Daniel Andrews Refuses To Scrap 9pm Curfew But Agrees To Let Melburnians Read In Bed Until 9:30
"This is not an invitation to stay up all night"
Please Contribute To Our Blind Trust
Maybe you've got some drug money you need to park somewhere?
Man Who Remembers Bowl Of Prawns From 1988 Doesn’t Know Who Put Up To $1 Mil In His Bank Account
"I'm not across all of the detail, sorry"
Drug Kingpin Says $1 Million Found Stashed In His House Is A ‘Blind Trust’
"I have no access to information about the conduct and funding of the trust"
Labor Diversity Push To Focus On People From Minority White Backgrounds
"This is about giving opportunities to people from all walks of white middle class life"
Gladys Daily Presser Cancelled After Poorly Received First Season
“The cast was totally unrelatable. Zero stars".
Mark McGowan Promises To Re-Open WA Border Once 180% Of Population Jabbed
“I’ve always said we’ll take a common-sense approach to opening up"
Man On Ventilator Frantically Trying To Learn How To Live With COVID
"It's time to adjust your mindset"
Forgetting To Buy Vaccines In A Pandemic, And 6 Other Silly Little Mistakes We’ve All Made Before
"We've all done it!"
Hunt Thought Email From Pfizer Labelled “Life-Changing Drug That Will End Pandemic” Was Spam
“I thought they were trying to sell me something"
Greg Hunt Accepts Pfizer’s Meeting Request From Last June
“Ready to go if you guys are!”
“My Family Is More Important Than Your Family,” Morrison Says In Emotional Address To Nation
“I’m special and you’re inconsequential,” Mr Morrison said, his voice cracking with emotion
Victorians Plead For Access To National Lube Stockpile As Morrison Fucks Them Again
“We’re pretty fucken sore!”
Morrison Says Afghanistan War Was Responsibility Of The States
“Dan Andrews never should have entered that war”.
Frantic Scott Morrison Spotted At Local Cashy’s Trying To Find More Pfizer
"I can swap you for the kids' PS5 if that helps"