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The Nation

CUTE! Cuddly Pete feeds GORGEOUS baby lamb while discussing ways to ruthlessly divide nation
"African gangs are roaming the streets of Melbourne. Yes they are! Yes they are!"
Gentler, kinder Dutton to insult minority groups more affectionately from now on
"Dutton will continue to relentlessly deride minority groups, but in a more cuddly way"
Australians relieved to finally have Ministry chosen on incredibly specific factional alliances
"Thank god we've finally got people chosen on nothing but a complex formula of in-house factional deal-making"
“Having only been in Parliament for 21 years, Australians haven’t had the chance to see the real me yet” by Peter Dutton
"I’m much more compassionate than you think. And if you disagree, I’ll sue you"
Sussan Ley pauses briefly during acceptance speech to buy must-have Gold Coast apartment
"It's an honour to stand before you and ... hang on, bear with me "
Cuddly Pete apologises for running late to leadership vote after getting held up picking wild flowers again
"I lost track of time whilst whimsically strolling through a field of beautifully scented wild flowers"
‘Cuddly Pete’ shows off softer image by offering free hugs in Queen Street Mall
"I AM GENTLE, KIND AND FUNNY!"
Morrison to quit politics to take role at Cronulla Cuts Hairdressing Salon
"It's my dream job"
Voldemort demands Tanya Plibersek apologise for ‘hurtful’ comparisons to Peter Dutton
"It was unnecessarily cruel"
Albanese orders removal of emergency hi-vis, ukulele, curry kit from Lodge
"Yep, all of them need to come down"
peter dutton mashed potato
Peter Dutton reveals his softer side, in preparation for leadership role
"You need to look beyond the thick, fibre-rich skin"
Albo surprised to find PM’s office hasn’t been touched for past 4 years
“It’s just how Malcolm Turnbull left it"
Morrison retains edge as preferred Prime Minister, The Australian confirms
"You need to take the poll on Saturday with a grain of salt"
Dejected Liberal staffers gather for farewell desk wank
"We're not going to be able to come here anymore"
Liberal Party dramatically underestimated number of women in Australia, post-mortem reveals
"We thought they made up 5%, maybe 10% of the population tops"