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Government In Talks With Essendon FC To Learn How To Successfully Rollout Injection Program
“I think we can learn a lot"
Morrison Announces Plan C: Australians To Vaccinate Themselves
“We’ve always been the party of personal responsibility"
Nation ‘At Front Of Queue’ Discovers It Is In Wrong Queue
Australia has been waiting in line for doughnuts, it has been revealed
People Under 50 Devastated To Discover They Can No Longer Get Vaccine That Wasn’t Available To Them Anyway
“It’s like having something not given to you and then unexpectedly taken away"
Morrison Meets With Advisers To See If Vaccine Can Be Delivered Using Existing Copper Network
“The first 8-12 cm will be delivered through a hypodermic needle in the US, with the final 15,000km delivered via an 80 year-old copper wire"
We’ve Received A Leaked Copy Of The Liberal Party’s Empathy Training Program
"Try to mimic being a human by copying their movements and body language"
New Mass Vaccination Hub To Administer 30,000 Vaccine Announcements A Week
"The announcements have now been delayed"
Why The Shovel Was Awarded The Contract To Oversee Australia’s Vaccination Rollout: A Statement
"The fact that one of our writers went to school with Greg Hunt and we donated $1.5 million to the Liberal Party last year is purely coincidental"
Morrison Government Revealed As Elaborate April Fool’s Day Prank
“I can’t believe you guys fell for it"
Potato Threatens To Sue For Defamation After ‘Insulting’ Comparisons To Peter Dutton
“I don’t even see the likeness. Well ok, I do, but that’s not the point".
Morrison To Take 50% Pay Cut After Relinquishing Prime Minister For Women Role
Mr Morrison will continue in his role as Prime Minister for Men.
UPDATE: Morrison Says He Will Start Listening To Women After Next Election
There's been a slight alteration to the timetable for Listening To Women
Australians Agree To Respect Andrew Laming’s Privacy, Discreetly From A Nearby Bush
"You won't even know we're there"
MPs Should Be Chosen On Merit, Not Quotas, Says Man Who Can’t Count To 43
"We need the best and brightest people across all eleven states"
Government Shifts To Netflix Model Of Political Scandals, Dropping All 483 Episodes At Once
"Three year’s worth of content all at once"