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Hallmark releases ‘Happy Holidays’ cards, just to fuck with Sky News presenters
Sky News has put all regular programming on hold to discuss the issue.
Can-do capitalism: an explainer
It uses an advanced form of resource allocation known as ‘corruption’
News Corp posts $61m loss, announces plans to sell off Australian Government
Gina Rinehart and Clive Palmer – who already own the National Party – have expressed interest in increasing their overall share
News Corp Calls For Urgent Action On Y2K Bug
“Y2K is starting to become a real concern for our readers"
Lockdown Announced In Byron Bay, Healing Crystals Already Sold Out
"People have been panic-buying the essentials"
Christine Holgate To Receive $1 Million From Australia Post, Will Be Left In Safe Place If No-One Home
"Your $1 million employment termination payout is arriving today"
Coalition Agrees To Give $300 To Gerry Harvey For Every Australian Vaccinated
“Incentives are good, but they need to be properly targeted"
Jeff Bezos Relishes New Opportunity To Look Down On His Workers
“They seem so tiny and insignificant,” Bezos said of his workers last year.
Kevin Rudd In Talks With Kleenex CEO To Secure 10 Million More Bog Rolls
“While the rest of the world is getting on with having a proper 3-ply wipe, we’ve got people in South West Sydney forced to use last week’s edition of The Daily Telegraph. Notwithstanding the fact that this may well improve the journalistic standards of the paper, it’s not great on your bum”
Australia Club Votes To Change Name To “Half Australia Club”
"The Club is open to literally absolutely everyone I know”
“QANTAS Unaware Of Bikie Infiltration” Alan ‘Mad-Dog’ Joyce Says, Announcing New All-Leather Uniform
"These claims are false" Alan Joyce, who asked to be addressed as 'Mad-Dog' said
Government Gives $7 Billion Subsidy To Bitcoin After Learning It Involves Mining
"Someone told me it involved mining and I said, 'we need to start subsidising this immediately"
Christine Holgate Starting To Wish She’d Just Taken A Photo Up A Man’s Trousers
"If I had my time again I would’ve paid $26.7 million too much for land next to an airport, rather than $20,000 on four watches. I'd still have a job right now"
Welfare Recipient Down To His Last 193 Department Stores
“A lot of people don’t know what it’s like to live year to year, not knowing where your next $22 million cheque from the government is going to come from.
Dyson Launches New ‘Scott Morrison’ Range, “The World’s Most Impressive Leadership Vacuum”
"It doesn't do anything at all except suck"

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