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July 21, 2021
Jeff Bezos Relishes New Opportunity To Look Down On His Workers
“They seem so tiny and insignificant,” Bezos said of his workers last year.
July 13, 2021
Kevin Rudd In Talks With Kleenex CEO To Secure 10 Million More Bog Rolls
“While the rest of the world is getting on with having a proper 3-ply wipe, we’ve got people in South West Sydney forced to use last week’s edition of The Daily Telegraph. Notwithstanding the fact that this may well improve the journalistic standards of the paper, it’s not great on your bum”
June 18, 2021
Australia Club Votes To Change Name To “Half Australia Club”
"The Club is open to literally absolutely everyone I know”
June 8, 2021
“QANTAS Unaware Of Bikie Infiltration” Alan ‘Mad-Dog’ Joyce Says, Announcing New All-Leather Uniform
"These claims are false" Alan Joyce, who asked to be addressed as 'Mad-Dog' said
May 14, 2021
Government Gives $7 Billion Subsidy To Bitcoin After Learning It Involves Mining
"Someone told me it involved mining and I said, 'we need to start subsidising this immediately"
April 13, 2021
Christine Holgate Starting To Wish She’d Just Taken A Photo Up A Man’s Trousers
"If I had my time again I would’ve paid $26.7 million too much for land next to an airport, rather than $20,000 on four watches. I'd still have a job right now"
March 24, 2021
Welfare Recipient Down To His Last 193 Department Stores
“A lot of people don’t know what it’s like to live year to year, not knowing where your next $22 million cheque from the government is going to come from.
March 16, 2021
Dyson Launches New ‘Scott Morrison’ Range, “The World’s Most Impressive Leadership Vacuum”
"It doesn't do anything at all except suck"
March 2, 2021
Aged Care Home Announces Plans To Build $500 Million War Memorial, In Order To Get Proper Government Funding
"It will include a meals area, lawn bowls rink, movie theatre and 4,000 residential rooms".
February 23, 2021
Government Strikes Deal With Facebook To Restore News. Also Facebook Now Owns Tasmania.
Treasurer and master negotiator Josh Frydenberg has come to an agreement with Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg to return news to
February 21, 2021
Part-Time Employee Amongst First To Get Vaccine
A Sydney man who works Tuesdays through Thursdays was amongst the first to receive the COVID-19 vaccine, raising eyebrows within the health worker community.
February 3, 2021
Jeff Bezos Resigns From Amazon, Citing Appalling Working Conditions
"Whoever runs this place is a maniac!"
December 17, 2020
TRADE WARS: Kmart Australia Retaliates By Removing All Chinese-Made Goods From Its Shelves
"You can hardly notice the difference"
October 27, 2020
News Corp Folds After Running Out Of Things To Criticise Victoria About
"Without 89 think pieces shitting on Victorians, we didn’t really have any content”
October 23, 2020
Australia Post CEO Says Cartier Watches Were Posted In May, But Haven’t Arrived Yet
"The quickest way to get a parcel from Melbourne CBD to Carlton is via Brisbane"
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