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June 8, 2021
“QANTAS Unaware Of Bikie Infiltration” Alan ‘Mad-Dog’ Joyce Says, Announcing New All-Leather Uniform
"These claims are false" Alan Joyce, who asked to be addressed as 'Mad-Dog' said
May 14, 2021
Government Gives $7 Billion Subsidy To Bitcoin After Learning It Involves Mining
"Someone told me it involved mining and I said, 'we need to start subsidising this immediately"
April 13, 2021
Christine Holgate Starting To Wish She’d Just Taken A Photo Up A Man’s Trousers
"If I had my time again I would’ve paid $26.7 million too much for land next to an airport, rather than $20,000 on four watches. I'd still have a job right now"
March 24, 2021
Welfare Recipient Down To His Last 193 Department Stores
“A lot of people don’t know what it’s like to live year to year, not knowing where your next $22 million cheque from the government is going to come from.
March 16, 2021
Dyson Launches New ‘Scott Morrison’ Range, “The World’s Most Impressive Leadership Vacuum”
“It makes a lot of noise, it’s obsessed with cleaning up anything unsightly and it doesn’t add anything at all”
March 2, 2021
Aged Care Home Announces Plans To Build $500 Million War Memorial, In Order To Get Proper Government Funding
"It will include a meals area, lawn bowls rink, movie theatre and 4,000 residential rooms".
February 23, 2021
Government Strikes Deal With Facebook To Restore News. Also Facebook Now Owns Tasmania.
Treasurer and master negotiator Josh Frydenberg has come to an agreement with Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg to return news to
February 21, 2021
Part-Time Employee Amongst First To Get Vaccine
A Sydney man who works Tuesdays through Thursdays was amongst the first to receive the COVID-19 vaccine, raising eyebrows within the health worker community.
February 3, 2021
Jeff Bezos Resigns From Amazon, Citing Appalling Working Conditions
"Whoever runs this place is a maniac!"
December 17, 2020
TRADE WARS: Kmart Australia Retaliates By Removing All Chinese-Made Goods From Its Shelves
"You can hardly notice the difference"
October 27, 2020
News Corp Folds After Running Out Of Things To Criticise Victoria About
"Without 89 think pieces shitting on Victorians, we didn’t really have any content”
October 23, 2020
Australia Post CEO Says Cartier Watches Were Posted In May, But Haven’t Arrived Yet
"The quickest way to get a parcel from Melbourne CBD to Carlton is via Brisbane"
October 4, 2020
EXCLUSIVE: Coronavirus Was Offered $130,000 To Sign Non-Disclosure Agreement, After Being Inside Trump
Trump ‘pulled out all stops’ to get the two together
September 29, 2020
Murdoch Shocked To Learn Of Trump’s Tax Bill: “$750 Is Extraordinarily High”
"I've never seen a tax bill that high before"
September 24, 2020
Westpac To Pay $1.3 Billion Money Laundering Fine Using Unmarked 100 dollar Notes
"Meet us at the bus stop near Martin Place at 9pm tomorrow night. No weapons”
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