All posts by The Shovel
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Westpac Asks If It’s Ok To Pay Fine With Briefcase Of Unmarked Bills
Outgoing Westpac chief Brian Hartzer has asked regulators if it would be ok to settle their impending fine for money laundering with a half dozen...
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Prince Andrew Says Photo Of Him With Hand Around 17 Year-Old Is Doctored “I Actually Didn’t Have Hands At The Time”
Prince Andrew has responded to ongoing questions about a photo of him with a 17 year old Virginia Roberts, saying it can’t be him because...
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Little Girl Ready For Frozen 2, After Quick 46,262nd Rewatch Of Frozen 1
Six year old Chloe Hampstead has taken the opportunity to re-familiarise herself with the characters and plot of the original Frozen film for the 46,262nd...
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The 2019 Shovel Annual Is Here!
It was the year that Donald Trump tried to buy Greenland, two former Prime Ministers threw their support behind a convicted sex offender and Israel...
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Bushfires Continue, As Thoughts And Prayers Of Quiet Australians Go Unheard
Unprecedented bushfires continue to ravage large parts of Australia after God has appeared to have not heard the thoughts and prayers of millions of Quiet...
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Marie Kondo Says She Launched Online Store To Allow People To Declutter Their Bank Accounts
Decluttering queen Marie Kondo had defended her decision to open a new online homewares store, saying she wanted to provide a simple way for people...
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John Howard Gives Prince Andrew Advice On How To Provide Support To Paedophiles
John Howard has come to the aid of Prince Andrew, with the former PM saying he has plenty of experience in publicly backing convicted sex...
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Israel Folau’s Embarrassing AFL Career Was Caused By Same Sex Marriage, Israel Folau Claims
Israel Folau’s disastrous year playing for the Greater Western Sydney Giants In 2011 was caused by the government’s legalisation of same sex marriage in 2017,...
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In our rush to condemn Prince Andrew for befriending a convicted sex offender, we’ve forgotten that Meghan Markle once wore a dress that DIDN’T SUIT HER
In a BBC interview this week, we were reminded that Prince Andrew’s friendship with Jeffry Epstein continued, even after the American billionaire was convicted of...
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Tissue In Your Washing This Morning Due To Same Sex Marriage, Israel Folau Claims
A tissue which was left in your washing machine and then dispersed throughout the entire load was caused by the government’s decision to legalise same...
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Fire Department Sets Government Bullshit Meter To “Catastrophic”
Emergency services have responded to this week’s political shitstorm by setting the government bullshit meter to “catastrophic” – the highest possible rating.
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Morrison Enlists Scott Cam To Head Up New Bushfire Response Team
The Block host Scott Cam is Australia’s new fire chief, the Prime Minister has confirmed.
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Government Says It’s Inappropriate To Talk About Global Warming When It’s So Damn Hot
NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian has backed the words of the federal government, saying a 37 degree day in Spring is hardly the day to be...
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PM Provides Boost To Struggling Fire Departments, Committing An Extra Two Million Thoughts & Prayers Per Year
Saying his government would do whatever it takes to fight the increasing number of fires in Australia, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has committed an unprecedented...
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