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New Covid Payment To Provide $500 For Those Working 20 Hours A Week, Or $22 Million For Those Who Own A Chain Of Furniture, Bedding And Electrical Stores
"It will only apply to people with less than $10,000 or more $1.5 billion in liquid assets"
AFL Matches In Adelaide To Go Ahead Without Ball
"Let me reassure you that no other part of the game will be affected"
Nine Graphs That Explain The Government’s Progress In Tackling The Virus
Learn how the government is tracking on its key metrics.
Government Encourages Casual Workers To Sell Their Investment Properties To Make It Through Vic Lockdown
"If you've failed to plan for this you've only got yourself to blame"
Nursing Home Resident Training For Australian Olympic Team In Order To Be Prioritised For Vaccination
"Running sub 2 minutes over 800 metres is unlikely. But still more likely than a competent vaccine rollout before July".
Password Must Include At Least One Shakespearean Sonnet You Haven’t Used Before
"Avoid passwords that can be easily guessed, such as Sonnet 18, which is pretty obvious"
We want to be careful not to reveal this person’s identity, but a senior government minister has massively fucked up his own defamation case
Greg Hunt Reassures Nursing Home Residents That He Was Vaccinated In March
"You can rest easy knowing that 100% of federal health ministers are now fully vaccinated"
Virus Claims It Just Copying Everyone Else In SA By Moving From Adelaide To Melbourne
"I don't know how to pronounce Prahran yet, but I’ve been to most of the bars there"
AstraZeneca Jab Renamed ‘Franking Credits’ To Encourage Take Up Amongst Elderly
"It's just the injection I needed!"
Morrison Offers Condolences To Victorians Going Into Lockdown: ‘I Know What It’s Like To Do Absolutely Fucking Nothing’
“To those not able to turn up to work, I know what it’s like. I haven’t turned up to work since 2008"
Victorian Government Releases List Of All 17 Locations That Aren’t Exposure Sites
"If you’ve been anywhere that’s not on this list, please get tested"
COVIDSafe App Identifies New Outbreak At Melbourne’s Cedar Meats In April Last Year
"Cedar Meats workers will need to isolate until mid-May 2020"
Morrison Secures 100,000 Additional Photo Opps To Help With Victorian Outbreak
"What Victorians need right now is an Instagram post of me in a fighter jet"
Morrison Responds To Melbourne Outbreak By Announcing Plans For Dedicated New Chicken Coop
"What Victorians need right now is a series of Instagram posts of their Prime Minister cosplaying as a handyman"