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Government Gives $7 Billion Subsidy To Bitcoin After Learning It Involves Mining
"Someone told me it involved mining and I said, 'we need to start subsidising this immediately"
‘Oceans Fourteen’ Just Matt Damon Breaking Into A TAB To Put A Bet On A Dog
A race against the clock to put a bet on race 14 at Wentworth Park.
Call Centre Receiving Unusually High Volume Of Calls For 4,563rd Day Straight
"We’ve been suddenly and unexpectedly swamped yet again"
Government To Create 250,000 New Job Announcements Over Next Two Years
"The market for hollow promises is stronger than ever"
Government Announces Budget Surplus Of Negative $161 Billion
"It's definitely a surplus"
Frydenberg Starts Budget Speech With Reminder That All Figures Are Correct To Closest $60 Billion
"With a small rounding error here and there, these figures are absolutely accurate"
$230 Billion In Budget Earmarked For Empathy Training
"This is a national crisis"
“Now Is Not The Time To Talk About Building A Quarantine Facility”
"Today is a day to talk about a potential war with China”
Bill And Melinda Gates’s Marriage Has Encountered A Problem And Needs To Close
Melinda Gates was philosophical about the end of her marriage of nearly three decades: “When one window closes, another one opens. And then all the windows you had open inexplicably close, you lose a day’s work and you get asked if you’d like to send an error report”
Calls To Rename Dedicated Quarantine Facilities ‘Australian War Memorials’ To Ensure They Get Built
The Government immediately committed $500 million for the project
Australians Fleeing Bushfires To Be Jailed For 5 Years
"They knew the risks when they went to live there"
India Changes Name To ‘Aspen’ To Enable Australian Citizens To Fly Home
Rahul Chakrabarti, who now goes by the name ‘Novak Djokovic’, said he had no issues passing through immigration.
Government Finally Announces Plans To Construct Custom-Built Jail For Returning Australians
At last, a dedicated facility.
Totally Fucking Up Immunisation Rollout Was Part Of God’s Plan, Morrison Says
“If you’re unhappy with the rollout then complain to God. I’m just working through him"
Laming says empathy course helped him put himself in someone else’s shoes. Without their consent. While hiding in a bush.
"There are many different viewpoints from which to spy on people"