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‘Virtual assistant’ on company website is ready to be massively fucking pointless

An annoying pop-up chatbot that promises to answer any questions you might have is not able to answer a single question you might have, it has been revealed.

Disguised as a chipper, youthful personal assistant called Scoot or Tomi or some shit, the chatbot is actually a piece of code that will lie by telling you it’s here to help.

“Hi I’m Milo, your virtual assistant. Tell me how I can help you with your inquiry about insurance today and I’ll point you in the direction of something totally unrelated,” one chatbot said this morning.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t understand ‘I would like to buy car insurance’. Try again with simpler phrasing,” it continued, proving that when it comes to understanding the ins and outs of the company’s products and services, it doesn’t even understand basic English.

When it was then given the phrase ‘car insurance’ it replied, “Here is a link to a webpage that explains our organisational values. Was that useful? Yes/No”

Finally receiving the request ‘What is your call centre phone number’, it replied “Thanks for getting in touch today. On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate your experience?”

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