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Australia to send special envoy to Britain to advise on how to properly depose Prime Ministers

After making an absolute balls-up of its attempt to get rid of Boris Johnson, Britain has accepted an offer from the Australian Government for specialist advice on knifing sitting Prime Ministers.

A spokesperson for the Australian Government confirmed the offer, saying Australia was always willing to help out its ally in areas where it had specialist expertise. “We know as well as anyone what it’s like to have an absolute arse-clown running the country. But what’s important in these scenarios is being able to get rid of them – and we have a lot of experience in that”.

Former Australian Labor leader and knife expert Bill Shorten said he was willing to provide advice. “What we’ve seen in Britain is an inability to undermine, weaken, and then casually knife a sitting PM – pretty basic stuff in my opinion. So obviously there’s some work to be done over there, and I’d be happy to help”.  

Former Prime Minister Scott Morrison agreed Britain had a lot to learn. “What I’ve observed is that MPs in Britain are way too focused on running the country, and not nearly focused enough on running the numbers. I’d be happy to pass on some tips about pretending to support a sitting Prime Minister, while ruthlessly plotting to destroy him behind his back”.

Julia Gillard said she would love to help out, but stressed she was unaware of any push to overthrow a sitting Prime Minister during her time as deputy.

Peter Dutton has offered to provide specialist lessons in counting.  

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