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New Veterans Affairs spokesman Barnaby Joyce begins mammoth tour of all 1,135 RSL front bars

In what he describes as a ‘fact-finding mission’, the Coalition’s new Veterans Affairs spokesperson Barnaby Joyce has set out on a three-year tour that will see him get to personally know the bar facilities of every RSL club in the country.

“I’ve always said it’s important to immerse yourself in your portfolio,” Joyce said, finishing up his second pint at the Tamworth RSL. “It’s all well and good for someone to tell you that the XXXX in the Caloundra RSL tastes different from the XXXX in Bathurst. But until you go and experience it for yourself, it’s just hearsay really.

“I mean, I met a guy from Griffith, nice bloke, who told me you can get Tooheys New on tap at the RSL there. But how do I know that’s true unless I verify it for myself? It’s basic fact-checking. I’m not going to disrespect our diggers by doing a half-arsed job”.

Joyce said he was always willing to do what was required of him for the betterment of his country. “And so when Peter rang me the other day and asked me whether I wanted the Veteran Affairs job, I didn’t hesitate, even though I knew it meant I’d have to spend the vast majority of the next three years drinking piss. I mean, who else is going to do the hard work of visiting each and every one of the eleven hundred RSLs in the country? They don’t call me the nation’s best retail politician for nothing”.

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