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US legislates mandatory Thoughts and Prayers to curb mass shootings

Strict new laws implemented today will require Americans to think and pray daily, in radical new measures designed to reduce gun-related deaths.

The Republican Party declared it was time for real action, saying this was the only option left to stop the 350 mass shootings that occur in the country every year.

“Enough is enough. We cannot simply stand by and do nothing while so many people die. We need real change. And that starts with a Facebook post I sent out this morning offering my thoughts and prayers,” Republican Mitch McConnell said.

The particulars of the law will vary state by state, with some disallowing automatic or semi-automatic #thoughtsandprayers posts.

The National Rifle Association threw its support behind the new laws, saying, ‘The only way to stop a bad person with a gun is with a carefully typed tweet containing a trivial hashtag”.

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First published in October 2017

Headline by Terry Beutel  

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