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‘Chinese laser’ actually just glare from Scott Morrison’s welding

An investigation has confirmed that the bright laser-like light seen by an Australian Air Force plane was not from a Chinese vessel and was actually just the glare from Scott Morrison welding nearby.

The Australian Air Force jet was flying in the Arafura Sea, just off the coast of the Northern Territory. At the same time, Scott Morrison was visiting SWEL Specialised Welding & Engineering near Alice Springs.

“While the two events were 1500km apart, our investigation has found that the sheer brightness of the light generated from Scott Morrison’s attempt to weld metal was enough to create havoc for our pilots off the north coast,” an official from the Royal Australian Air Force said.

The Air Force demanded answers from the Prime Minister’s Office, saying it was a reckless and unnecessary ‘act of intimidation’ that should not have occurred. “I can see no other way to describe this than as a really fucking stupid piece of political theatre carried out by a man who clearly has no idea what he is doing”.

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