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Parliament House toilets in crisis after PM dramatically increases curry-cooking to save approval rating

Official reports from Parliament House say the on-premises toilets are ‘an absolute, fucking disgrace’ after the Prime Minister went overboard cooking curries in a desperate attempt to lift his approval ratings. 

A Liberal Party insider with knowledge of the situation explained that, with the PM’s approval rating plummeting, he’s reverted to the only thing he knows. “He’s cooking a curry for every single fuck-up. Problem is, there are a lot of fuck ups. So after RAT shortages, supply chain issues, Grace Tame’s visit and the texting debacle, he’s cooked 47 curries in the last 6 days.

“We all support the Prime Minster. But we’ve also all had a bad case of spicy, gravy-bum since the New Year”

Health Minister Greg Hunt broke ranks and spoke out against the curry photo-op policy. “Look I’ll freely admit, I don’t know ANYTHING about health, but I know it can’t be good for my guts to be churning through this many birds-eye chillies, 3 meals a day”. 

The Prime Minister declined to take responsibility for the embattled toilets across Canberra, and claimed at a press conference yesterday, “If people are finding the curry too spicy, perhaps they can neutralise that heat with a refreshing, affordable, $67 glass of milk”.

By Chris Auld @DamnYouChrisA

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