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‘Supply chain issues’ working out great for dad who forgot to buy kids Christmas presents

The myriad of problems that have slowed the manufacture and transportation of goods around the world has played right into the hands of local dickhead Jackson Riggs, giving him a ready-made excuse as to why he didn’t buy gifts for his kids this Christmas.

“Sorry kiddo, it’s out of my control. It’s such a shame ‘cause I had the money this year and everything, I didn’t even put it into the pokies. But the supply chain you know, it’s just fucked,” Riggs explained. “Come to think of it the supply chain was pretty bad last year as well, probably why I didn’t have presents then.”

This isn’t the first time Riggs has used complex economic phenomena to excuse his poor behaviour. He blamed an affair he had on the subprime mortgage crisis, a drunk driving conviction on the dot com bubble and, most confusingly, when charged with public nuisance for taking a dump in a telephone box he told the magistrate it was because of “inflation.”

Chinese conglomerate Evergrande’s recent financial trouble has caused Riggs to not pick his kids up from soccer. 

By Callum Wratten @CallumWratten

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