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Mum & Dad Bank to keep interest rates steady at 0%

Despite increasing anxiety about inflation and out-of-control housing costs, the Bank of Mum and Dad announced this morning that they will keep interest rates at 0%. It is the 110th month that the central bank has kept rates unchanged.

Bank of Mum & Dad Governor, Mum, said the decision wasn’t made lightly. “We looked very carefully at all the data, the impact that it was having on the cost of living for working Australians. But then we thought about our little baby boy, the apple of eye, our little prince, and how he just wanted an investment property so badly.” 

The Bank of Mum & Dad’s equity holdings have never been higher, with a four bedroom in Avalon worth $2.5 million, a townhouse in Thornbury worth $1.7 million and a quarter acre currently occupied by flaming garbage in Brisbane recently valued at $1.1 million. Although they have taken a loss after they were convinced to invest in crypto currency despite not fully understanding how block chain, currency markets or even computers work. 

“It’s important that we keep interest rates low because so many of our clients could never go to a regular bank,” said bank Chairman, Dad. “Between you and me, they’re all kind of privileged fuck ups who have been handed everything they’ve ever gotten…..and we love them very much.”

By Callum Wratten @CallumWratten

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