With Facebook experiencing a six-hour outage overnight, former Liberal Party MP Craig Kelly was left scrambling to determine which unapproved experimental horse drug he should take to prevent the COVID-19 virus which doesn’t exist.
Friends say Kelly was frantic, making phone calls to all of his contacts in search of the name of the drug. “It’s that one that’s hard to spell … ‘Invertebrate? Indigestion? Imbecile? Fuck! I can’t remember. What is it!? Hydroxychloroquine! No, that’s not it! That was last year’s conspiracy theory. Agh!!”
He said without a finely-tuned algorithm to feed him fake news, he was unsure of what to believe. “Was it Hillary Clinton who invented COVID-19 or Bill Gates? Is the vaccine a magnet or a computer chip? Or both? I honestly can’t remember. Shit! My life is falling apart!” he screamed to colleagues.
Sources say Kelly eventually managed to get in touch with Pete Evans who calmed him down by selling him a $15,000 bio-charger.