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Hillsong Completes Transformation Into Mainstream Religion, After Leader Charged With Concealing Sex Offences

After years of being cast aside as a fringe movement, Hillsong Church can finally be considered a conventional, mainstream religion, after its founder Brian Houston was charged with allegedly concealing information about child sexual abuse.

Mr Houston said they had been fighting for acceptance within the broader Church system for years.

“Even having a Prime Minister as part of our flock didn’t garner us the respect of one of the big boys. We were increasingly worried we’d become a joke, or be forced to blackmail weird lonely celebrities, like Scientology. We just weren’t ready to do that just yet.

“Sure, we’re technically Christian, and we follow all of the core principles of Christianity, like not paying taxes. But still, people weren’t treating us like a real religion.

“Then it occurred to us – we need dark secrets. All of the top religions carry some version of a dark shame. Most involving children”.

Detectives served Mr Houston’s lawyer with a court attendance notice, which requires the pastor to appear before a Sydney magistrate on October 5. It has been made clear that the court won’t accept any of that ‘Cardinal Pell Bullshit’ especially as he doesn’t have a Vatican City to hide him.

By Matt Harvey @mattharveystuff 

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