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Ben Roberts-Smith Suddenly Remembers He Initiated This Fucking Trial

After another harrowing day in court that revealed yet more horrific detail about his time in the Middle East, former Aussie soldier and all-round family man Ben Roberts-Smith remembered that he was actually the fucking idiot who started all of this.

In an interview after today’s hearing, Ben Roberts-Smith explained how he had totally forgotten that he’d ripped apart his reputation voluntarily.

“So I’m standing there, trying to come to terms with yet another shit of a day in court, thinking I’m definitely done for, that – best case – I might get off with just a few years inside. And then I think, hang on a second, this is a defamation trial, not a criminal trial, I can’t go to jail. And I’m not even the one on trial. Yay me.  

“But I’m still angry, because this thing has totally ruined me. And so I start cursing the absolute fuckhead who had the nerve to start these court proceedings in the first place. And my lawyer turns to me and says, ‘Um, Ben you started it mate, remember? You’re the fuckhead’.

“And I’m like ‘really? Why the hell would someone voluntarily put themselves through this? What sort of God complex would you need to have to do that?’ Elite soldier. More like elite fucking idiot.

“Anyway, better start preparing for some fresh new heinous shit to reveal in court tomorrow”.

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