A Chinese ship that approached the Queensland coast in the hopes of undermining Australian democracy has packed it in after accidentally catching an episode of Outsiders.
“We were planning to weaken the fabric of Australian democracy, but then we heard Rowan Dean do a segment on Dr Suess books and we thought, what’s the point? We might just leave you guys to it,” the commander said as he steered the boat around and headed back to Beijing.
An insider from the Chinese Government said they initially thought the channel was a parody, but then slowly realised the presenters were expecting to be taken seriously. “It was all very, very strange and hard to decipher, so we thought we’d be better off just getting the hell out of there”.
Sky News continues to report the Wuhan Lab leak theory, despite the WHO confirming months ago that it was highly unlikely. However, the WHO has admitted they are currently concerned about the spread of Rowan Dean programs.
A WHO representative said “People watching Rowan Dean may experience nausea, nosebleeds and a smoothing of the brain,” they also expressed concern about government inaction on the illness “We’d really like the Australian government to work to contain Rowan Dean, and the more recent Peta Credlin variant because we’re not sure the world can handle another dipshit epidemic after Trump.”