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Scott Morrison To Continue Not Going To Work After Being Classed A Non-Essential Worker

Prime Minister Scott Morrison will continue to do absolutely fuck all for the foreseeable future, after he was classified as a non-essential worker for the purposes of Sydney’s lockdown. The ruling will mean Scott Morrison hasn’t gone to work since 2003.

NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian has to date refused to provide a comprehensive list of who is and who isn’t an essential worker, but said in some cases it was really fucking obvious.

“We’re asking people to use their common sense. If your job involves running a state or country, then clearly you are essential. But if you’re a middle manager in the marketing department of a suburban hardware store, then obviously we can do without you. Please, don’t come outside”.

The Premier was willing to give some examples of the types of work deemed essential. “If you’re involved with the rollout of the vaccine, you’re essential. If you’ve had nothing to do with it, you’re non-essential.

“Frontline healthcare worker: essential. Part time Instagram influencer: non essential. If you’re a cook at a nursing home or hospital, you’re essential. If you pretend to cook just so you can look relatable on social media, you’re Scott Morrison”.

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