After months of delay, the Federal Government has finally released a COVID-19 vaccination campaign, with an advertisement that asks Australians to imagine the vaccine is like a milkshake that half of the population is unable to purchase.
[Read the full video script below].
The 60 second explainer begins with an exchange between two young people, with the first asking, “Would you like to try a milkshake?” before continuing, “Sorry, we didn’t order enough milkshakes”.
Launching the ad, Health Minister Greg Hunt said the government had achieved what many people thought impossible – making the vaccine rollout even more confusing.
“We asked ourselves, what could we do to make this absolute mess of a rollout even more confusing for the Australian public? And then someone said, ‘Let’s use the analogy of a flavoured milk drink’. I think we all knew then and there that we’d nailed it”.
The full advertisement script:
[Actor 1]: “Do you want to try a milkshake?”
[Actor 2]: “Yes I do!”
[Actor 1]: “Sorry, we didn’t order enough milkshakes”.
[Voiceover]: To cross into the action zone, both parties need to agree. But when one of those parties is an incompetent clusterfuck of a government, they won’t take any action at all, missing the opportunity to enter into an agreement, and failing to order enough milkshakes for everyone.
[Actor 2]: “But I really want a milkshake.
[Actor 1] “You’re under 40, sorry champ, you can’t get a milkshake.
[Actor 2]: “But you told me I was first in line”
[Voiceover]: This is what we call ‘moving the line’. A tricky technique where we give the impression that we’re busy doing stuff, when in actual fact, we’re doing absolutely nothing at all. Often that means totally dazzling you with announcements and photo opportunities and graphics with lots of milkshakes with our logo on it, moving the yes line over the maybe line and into the end zone. Whatever the fuck that means.
[Actor 2]: “I’m really angry at you right now”.
[Actor 1]: “It’s just a funny game, mate. Don’t take it so seriously”.
[Actor 2]: “But everyone else in the world is getting milkshakes”.
[Actor 1]: “And if you were over 40 you’d be able to get a milkshake too”.
[Voiceover]: Although if you were over 50, it wouldn’t be the milkshake you want, because we’ve spent the last six months telling you it’s a shit milkshake, and then telling you you need to drink it anyway.
[Actor 2]: “But it’s not my fault I’m not over 40”.
[Voiceover]: Actually, it is. Because one of the things we’re very, very good at, is totally fucking something up, and then making it sound like it’s someone else’s fault. It’s called not taking responsibility.
[Actor 1]: “You’re just being silly!”
[Actor 2]: “But I go to a private school in Sydney”.
[Actor 1]: “Oh. Really? Why didn’t you say so? Well then of course you can have a milkshake. What flavour would you like?”