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‘Whoops! I Forgot To Buy Enough Vaccines’, By Greg Hunt

Oopsy daisy, fuckedy duckedy, looks like I forgot to buy vaccines. Sorry about that.

It means we’re a wincey bit short, and I can sense some of you are a little bit angry with all of the kerfuffle. But with the utmost respect, can I just say – how was I supposed to know that we’d need enough vaccinations to cover the entire population?

Easy to say now when we’re watching everyone else overseas get vaccinated. But not so obvious in June last year when we were in the grip of the deadliest pandemic in a century. Twenty twenty hindsight and all. And to be fair to me, I had more important things to worry about back then, like undermining a lockdown in Victoria.

Look, the truth is, I did intend to get more. But then I saw this great offer for a cheaper vaccine, and I thought, well if you’re going to scrimp on something, this is the thing to do it on.

I saved us $2 billion dollars by not taking up those offers from Pfizer and Moderna. Sure, we conservatively lose that much money every week when a major city has to shut down. But how are those two things even remotely related?

So, yes, it’s a little bit of a hassle now, but let’s not overstate it. Australians can be reassured by the fact that we’ll have everything running tickety-boo at an unspecified time in the future.

Anyway, gotta fly. I’m off to the pub with a dozen colleagues and I promised them I’d buy a round of three cheap beers that none of them wants.

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