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Government Gives $7 Billion Subsidy To Bitcoin After Learning It Involves Mining

The federal government has given Bitcoin a $7 billion cheque and promised exclusive access to cabinet ministers, after learning that the entire concept revolves around mining.

Minister for Energy and Emissions, Angus Taylor, said he wished he had known about Bitcoin mining sooner.

“I just dismissed the whole thing as something tech weirdos were into. But then someone said it involved mining and I said, we need to start subsidising this immediately.

“The only thing more Australian than expending enormous amounts of fossil fuels to mine a precious resource, is to provide a government subsidy to expend enormous amounts of fossil fuels to mine a precious resource,” Mr Taylor said, adding that he looked forward to having dinner with Bitcoin executives to receive advice on government policy soon.

Mr Taylor said Bitcoin was the perfect candidate for government funding. “I’m told that Bitcoin creates enormous wealth for a small amount of people, while ruining the environment, without creating many jobs. It’s basically coal with a fancy new logo!”

Prime Minister Scott Morrison backed the new subsidy, saying he looked forward to a photo opportunity in a high vis vest and hard hat at a Bitcoin mine soon.

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