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Totally Fucking Up Immunisation Rollout Was Part Of God’s Plan, Morrison Says

Making a total balls-up of a vaccination rollout in the middle of a global pandemic while offloading ever other responsibility to state governments was how Jesus would have done it, the Prime Minister says, reiterating that he is just doing God’s work.

“I am carrying out God’s plan. And, funnily enough, his plan was for me to monumentally botch this whole thing, even though I only had one job,” the PM said.

“When every other country was out there in May last year eagerly buying up every different vaccination, God said to me, ‘Nah, it’s better if you wait a few months until you miss out on the first round of orders, buy up just a few vaccines, and then just tell everyone back home that they’re first in line. So that’s why we are where we are”.

While some people were surprised that God had chosen a failed marketing executive to carry out his work in Australia, rather than a miracle-working prophet, or at the very least a qualified professional, Mr Morrison said he was just doing what he was told.

“If you’re unhappy with the rollout then, I’m sorry, but don’t complain to me, complain to God. I’m just working through him. Not my responsibility”.

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