As Australia’s COVID-19 vaccination rollout teetered on the brink of collapse, Prime Minister Scott Morrison met with advisers this morning to develop an alternative solution that would involve the use of the nation’s existing copper network.
Under the proposal, Australians would be administered a Pfizer vaccine by a nurse in the United States, connected to a 15,000km copper wire.
“This is a very modern approach to vaccination delivery,” Mr Morrison told media.
“The first 8-12 cm of the vaccine’s delivery will be through a stainless steel hypodermic needle, with the final 15,000km delivered through an 80 year-old copper wire under the Pacific Ocean. It’s state of the art technology”.
He said the time taken to administer each vaccination would be between 2 minutes and 11 hours, depending on the time of day and the distance from the telephone exchange. “The electorate you live in may also have some bearing,” he said.
The Prime Minister said this new model would be faster and more affordable. “This will allow us to have the entire population vaccinated by October this year, or August 2026, whichever sounds better”.