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New-Look Morrison Promises To Cover Up Rapes More Respectfully From Now On

An emotional Scott Morrison says he has listened and learned and will be more respectful when covering up sexual assaults that take place in his workplace from now on. 

“We all have to do better on how we cover up crimes,” Mr Morrison said at a special press conference yesterday.

“We need to think about the language we use. Is there another way of saying ‘get the office steam cleaned immediately and make sure this never gets out’? Is there a more courteous way to background against a victim’s partner? We need to ask these tough questions of ourselves”.

He said women are sick and tired of being ignored. “We need to listen to what they have to say and only then begin the process of suppressing and diverting attention away from their issue. We owe them that.

“I know all this because I have a mother”. 

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