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Morrison Responds Decisively To Sydney Floods By Announcing Funding For Ark

Scott Morrison says the best way to cope with the floods causing havoc across New South Wales is with a 300 cubit-long wooden ark.

Announcing $20 billion in funds for the new vessel, Mr Morrison said he was simply following expert advice. “I’ve spoken to a lot of scientists about this, a lot of weather experts and climate change experts. But in the end it’s hard to go past Genesis chapter six, verses 14-22,” he said.

The PM said his instructions to shipping contractors were clear. “Make thee an ark of gopher wood; rooms shalt thou make in the ark, and shalt pitch it within and without with pitch”.

Mr Morrison said that while he hoped there would be room in the ark for all those affected by the floods and their pets, in reality there would only be enough room for residents of marginal Coalition electorates and the Sutherland Horizon Church.

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