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Compromise Reached: Morrison Agrees To Hold Photo Shoot Of Christian Porter Inquiry

After two weeks of resisting calls for an independent inquiry into the sexual assault allegations against Christian Porter, the Prime Minister has come to the table with an alternative solution – a professional photo shoot of him holding a mocked-up version of an inquiry report.

Under the proposal, the inquiry would forgo the need for a lengthy investigation and instead skip straight to the bit where Scott Morrison poses for the cameras.

“I’ve always said I’m open to holding an inquiry. And by ‘holding’ I mean literally me holding a mocked-up report that makes it look like I’m doing something when in fact it’s just a stack of blank pieces of paper stapled to a professionally-designed cover,” Mr Morrison said.

He said his approach would save hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal costs. “I’d much prefer to put that money towards something beneficial – like extra stylists, photographers and media managers – than wasting it on a protracted legal process that doesn’t benefit me at all”

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