Follow The Shovel

CLOSE
Urgent Desire To Shop At Kmart And Bunnings Confirmed As Covid-19 Symptom

An uncontrollable desire to travel across town to visit as many Kmart and Bunnings outlets as possible in a 48-hour period has been added to a loss of smell, fever and a dry cough as key signs of COVID-19.

“We’ve analysed hundreds of positive COVID-19 cases and what we’ve found in the vast majority is that, in the days leading up to a positive test, the person in question has found themselves frantically shopping for affordable homewares and hardware,” a scientist on the study said.

“In many cases there seems to be a compulsion to travel to multiple stores, often across a large geographic area”.

She said theories were beginning to emerge as to why the strange behaviour occurred in COVID-positive patients.

“We believe the purchase of DIY materials or a great-value set of cushions may be the brain subconsciously preparing for 14 days in lockdown”.

Authorities have acted quickly on the findings, urging anyone who finds themselves going to more than one Kmart in a day to get tested.

“If you find yourself madly travelling across the city to shop for discount hardware and soft furnishings, please – get tested immediately”.

Support The Shovel. Or follow us on Email | Facebook Twitter Instagram


SHARE THIS STORY
Become a Shovel member. Or follow us on Email | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram