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America Breathes Sigh Of Relief After Inaugurating Reassuringly Mediocre President

Chanting ‘USA! USA!’ Americans have excitedly taken to the streets to celebrate after electing a president that commentators have gushingly described as ‘okay’ and ‘much better than the last guy’.

Emotional voter Emily Vanson said it was hard to put into words how she was felling. “Biden is just so – adequate! I was listening to him speak and the hairs were standing up on the back of my neck. It’s January, I forgot my jacket,” she said.    

New Hampshire man John Twomey said he was proud of his country today. “I look at Joe Biden and I think, there’s a man who is fair to middling. It’s an incredible feeling. He’s just so moderately inspiring. On a good day”.

Ohio woman Jenny Appleby said this was one for the history books. “I’ll be telling my grandkids about the day we, as a nation, defied the odds, looked inside our hearts, were inspired by all of the exceptional people in this country, and elected a man that isn’t a total disaster”.

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