As rioting and looting in the US Capitol Building continued to escalate, authorities have put in an urgent call into country & western singer Garth Brooks to perform nearby.
“We’ve tried tear gas; we’ve tried rubber bullets. It hasn’t worked. But we’re confident that as soon as they hear the opening chords to ‘Ain’t Going Down ‘Till The Sun Comes Up’ they’ll stop what they’re doing, drop the valuable painting they’ve prised off the wall and head out of the building immediately,” a spokesperson said.
The spokesperson also confirmed they were in talks with local fast food chains to offer free food. “We know these people love their country and their Donald Trump. But we believe that they’ll love a free Breakfast Baconator upsize meal from Wendy’s more”.