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A Carefully-Worded Statement About Today’s Election

“Fuckety fucking fuck fuck fuck fucking fuck, not this absolute shitshow of a president again,” the world said in a carefully-worded statement today.

Still trying to come to terms with the fact that a supposedly advanced nation had re-elected a pseudo-fascist, egotistical, infantile arseclown, the world said it would close its eyes, slowly count to ten and hope that this whole thing was just some kind of sick joke gone wrong.

The world’s leading economists and health professionals expressed concern at the turn of events, releasing a statement that said the global economic and health outlook is ‘literally fucked’.

Foreign policy specialists were more optimistic, saying the future was ‘on the balance of probabilities, totally fucking fucked’.

More to come.

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