Saying it was the most pressing issue facing his country right now, Donald Trump has cut short a Florida golf trip to urgently assemble a short-list of misogynistic slurs for Democratic vice presidential pick Kamala Harris.
Mr Trump gathered together his top advisors for a short-notice meeting in the White House, saying it was the most important work they would do this year.
“You might be worried about the China Virus or the economy. But what’s going to keep me up at night is whether or not I can land a catchy name for Kamala Harris that makes fun of her body parts,” he said.
Advisors suggested a range of adjectives from previously-assembled lists including ‘nasty’, ‘no-talent’ and ‘overrated’, but Mr Trump said they were not nearly bigoted enough.
“We haven’t even explored words yet that reference her race. Come on people – let’s focus! And what do we rate her out of ten? These are the sort of key statistics that I need to have on my desk by the end of the day.”.