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Melbourne’s Coronavirus Outbreak Is Rare, Artisanal Strain Of COVID That The Rest Of Country Totally Won’t Get

The coronavirus that’s breaking out in Victoria is a boutique strain you probably haven’t even heard of yet, Melbourne’s residents have revealed.

“It’s this really cool handcrafted version that I stumbled across down an alleyway off a laneway next to a bin that doubles as a 90s tech-house club,” one resident said. 

“There was this guy there who had it – he first picked it up at a bespoke second-hand Polaroid camera market in Prague – and I asked if I could try it and he said sure. And I’ve been curating it in Melbourne for ages now.

“It isn’t available in many places yet, although it seems to be becoming more popular now which is totally predictable”.

Despite claims that they totally don’t get it, people in Sydney and Adelaide are hoping to create their own Melbourne-style COVID outbreaks soon.

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