Follow The Shovel

CLOSE
$60 Billion JobKeeper Savings To Be Used To Pay For Stuart Robert’s Internet Bill

Scott Morrison has cautioned Australians against getting too excited about the $60 billion windfall identified in the JobKeeper budget, saying the funds had already been allocated to pay for Government Services Minister Stuart Robert’s internet bill this for this month.

Mr Robert – who is tasked with running the nation’s welfare system but doesn’t know how to set up a basic fucking internet plan – said he had gone a little over on his data this month.

“I’ve been doing some research for my church about the dangers of watching too much pornography. That’s meant I’ve had to have both Pornhub and Redtube running in high definition for 24 hours a day for the past month,” the minister explained.

“The upshot is I’ve used a little more data than usual. It’s strictly for research of course”.

Mr Robert, who is on a $100-a-month plan, was charged in 60 million $10 increments for every additional gigabyte used. He was alerted each time.

The Prime Minister said that while there were many worthy suggestions for how to spend the $60 billion, Mr Robert’s internet bill was most pressing. “A lot of people have called for an extension of JobKeeper, or an expansion in infrastructure spending. But the fact is Stewie’s watched a lot of porn and that’s where the funds will need to go”.

It is unclear how Mr Robert’s bill for next month will be paid for.


SHARE THIS STORY
Become a Shovel member. Or follow us on Email | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram