Frantically fumbling to find a way to turn the sound back on, Sydney man Callum Dawson has only just realised that no-one has been listening to him for the past eight years.
“Oh hang on. Wait, what? Have I been on mute all this time?” Dawson said, suddenly realising that every funny anecdote, rousing speech and perfectly crafted argument had gone unheard.
“Have you heard anything I’ve said at all over the past eight years? Nothing at all?
“What about that time in 2018 when I shared that really fascinating story about how there appears to be a connection between the paleolithic era and the … no? You didn’t hear any of that? None of it?
“Or when I told you about that dream I had where my foot got stuck in the mouth of baby hippopotamus and then it … really, nothing at all?”
“Or in 2015 when I said we should sell the house, quit our jobs and move to another country? You didn’t hear that? Well that … that explains a few things.
“My wedding speech?
“What about now. Can you hear me now?”