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In the interests of the health of its customers, McDonald’s has announced it will close all of its stores permanently

Saying the health of its customers was its top priority, McDonald’s has made the decision to permanently close all 970 of its Australian outlets, effective immediately.

In recent weeks McDonalds has implemented a range of new processes to improve hygiene, such as the crew member placing the bag of food on the counter for the customer to pick up, rather than directly handing it over. But analysis has shown that removing the bag of food from the process altogether improved the health outcome for the customer even further.

In a statement, McDonald’s said it was time to go one step further in its health policy.

“Over the past few months we’ve been following strict cleaning processes in all of our restaurants to remove any germs. But then we thought, ‘How can we make our restaurants even healthier for our customers?’ And the answer was obvious – permanently close them.

A spokesperson for the company said the decision was in the best interests of its customers. “There’s really no point doing a deep clean of all surfaces and then handing over a Double Beef’N’Bacon Burger. Have you seen those things? They’re pretty fucking gross”.

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