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Kerry Stokes Discovers Cure For Coronavirus: Shit-Tonnes Of Money

In a stunning new finding, billionaire media mogul Kerry Stokes has discovered that having enormous amounts of wealth protects you from contracting COVID-19.

Mr Stokes returned from a skiing holiday in Aspen this week and was able to avoid the quarantine restrictions enforced on ordinary Australians, with authorities concluding that a man with that much money couldn’t possibly contract the virus.

“It was incredible how easily it worked,” Mr Stokes said. “I’d been holidaying in one of the world’s worst coronavirus hotspots, so I thought I might be at risk. But then I thought, hang on a second, I’m massively wealthy, that makes gives me immunity! It was a wonderful discovery”.

Stokes has encouraged the wider community to adopt his cure. “I’d urge everyone to have lots of money. If we all just do the right thing and accumulate incredible wealth, we’ll defeat this virus in no time”.

The breakthrough comes after other similar discoveries in the US.

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